The Unvarnished Truth About Cat Ownership
Considerations Prior to Obtaining a Feline Pet
Brace yourself, fellow cat-enthusiasts, because there are a plethora of misconceptions that can sabotage your journey into feline parenthood. Here are 32 hard-hittin', no-nonsense facts that'll leave you better prepared for your furry companions than a tank of condensed milk leaves a Persian for the porcelain.
Dispel These Myths & Nail Cat Ownership
1. You can't pick a cat based on breed traits, 'cause life's a kitty-beelievers' paradox
Looking for an energetic breed with a zeal for playtime? Think again, Boss-Cat. For all the effort you put into breed research, remember: every cat has its own unique personality. You may find yourself with a British Shorthair who'd rather affix herself to your lap than climb a tree or a ragdoll who'd much rather pretend to be a tearaway than snuggle up. Learn to love the feline friend you've actually got.
2. They're more of a drain on your time and energy than industrial-strength vacuum
I know, I know: when I first clapped eyes on those sparkling eyes and insatiable purrs, I thought I'd struck a bargain handier than a catnip mouse at paw's reach. But the little furballs can be more demanding than a pair of needy PhD students. high-maintenance breeds like the Burmese or Siamese require mental stimulation. And it ain't just the grooming, the vet visits, and litter box duties that'll drain your energy—it's the day-to-day interaction, too.
3. There's no escaping thoughts of them someday being gone
Let's face it, partner: their lives are long enough to make ours look like an especially miserable episode of the Twilight Zone. It may be morbid, but, yes, you will have moments when you ponder the inevitable. Losing your cat is one of the toughest emotions to grapple with, but hey, they also helped expand your capacity for love. So, when the loss comes, know you've been a gracious pet parent.
4. Nothing prepares you for just how stinky kitten poop can be
If you thought you'd seen every foul stench life had to offer, think again. Cats are totally like those super hellishFEATURE CREATURES Who Let The Dogs Out, with their laser beam farts and abominable bowel movements—strawberry milkshakes with extra trimethylaminuria, anyone? And don't ask if they're healthy or if you feed them the best kitten food; that poop still wins the stench-off against a thousand fully-grown Shih Tzus.
5. Maintaining the peace between multi-cat households can feel like refereeing a boxing match during a hurricane
Introducing a new feline to the family can feel like a dating match - or a human buffet—with all the unpredictability that comes with it. It's a delicate balancing act that requires proper introductions, a week's time apart, and patience before you can join forces to conquer the household. There will be moments of tension, squabbles, and the occasional flare-up, but it'll all be worth it when you're surrounded by a litter of cats that have learned the art of living together without killing each other.
6. It takes hard work and considerable resources to protect your furniture from becoming catnip-induced collateral damage
Unless you shell out big bucks for the best cat scratching post on the market and position it where kitty loves to scratch, you're gonna need a bigger no-claw solution. It's an uphill battle, but one you can actually win, and with minimal destruction, no less. So, it's time to double down on your offensive and employ every trick in the manual. Silent megaphone, remember?
7. Training them is necessary to keep order in your feline fraternity
Whether you're a dog person or a felinophile, training your pet seriously helps improve their behavior and bonding. Some experts say it's as easy as training a dog, but others say it's like pulling teeth from a fangless wolverine. But hey, persistence pays off, right? So, brush up on some training techniques and dive head-first into kitty Conditioning!
8. It ain't just toys, litter, and food that'll cost you—you'll also have to deal with an assortment of unforeseen medical expenses
So, you've mulled it over, have you? The toys, the finer meals, the essential accessories? You've got this, right? But have you covered for dental procedures, unscheduled vet visits, or emergency treatments? It's not just fur and footprints—expect to pay for check-ups, medications, and special consultations. Brace yourself for the dental bill when your kitten ruins their teeth, or the emergency visit when a boy cat attacks your cat!
9.resetNone
They shed like a damn Fellini film, with hair everywhere, all the time! You'll find tufts of fur everywhere you go, from your bed to the kitchen floor, and no amount of weekly bathing or hair-removal sessions will rectify this shedding inferno. Thankfully, both my low-shedding felines enjoy combing sessions, so grab your brush and indulge in your morning fur-mination. Congratulations—you've officially joined the rank of rescue workers clearing fallen debris from a disaster zone.
10. Be prepared to receive the most unexpected gifts
It's a Wednesday afternoon, and you open the door to find a mess that looks suspiciously like a rat. This instruction's for those who think cat ownership is like inviting a trim, quiet-mannered Mysterio into your home. Piece of advice: learn to be accepting and prepared for the unexpected. Nothing is ever ordinary with a cat around.
11. Enrichment is more than just getting a new toy every week
Cats need mental stimulation to keep them happy as clams, and a well-traveled feline is a satisfied feline. Commit at least 15-20 minutes every day to playtime. Train 'em, keep 'em active, and don't forget the interactive cat toys—your cats will appreciate it more than free rein to scour the internet searching for funny cat memes.
12resetNone
They'll put muddy paw prints on your perfect white sheets, no matter when or where you clean them. I once thought this was a dog-only issue, but my cats have proved me wrong, again. They may be tiny, but they still manage to make an impact. So, learn to prioritize your duvet cleanings and accept that a spotless home is a distant dream.
13. They'll let you know when they need food, so be prepared to be nudged into submission
If you mistime a meal by more than a minute, be prepared to suffer the full force of kitty-induced guilt-force. They've learned that a regular feeding schedule is key, and anything less than expected will bring swarms of furry attention to make up for it. So, be on time with meals, feed 'em well, and watch your sanity drain away!
14. The houseplant-knowledge you've amassed over the years ain't gonna cut it—they might be eye candy, but they're poisonous to cats
Cats, silly as they are, are quick to snatch something up and swallow it whole. So yeah, researching those cat-safe plants is more crucial than ever. But hey, at least you'll save a ton on houseplants if your cats nosh on 'em!
15. Kitty milk is a no-go—most cats are lactose-intolerant
I used to give milk to our cats, thinking they'd be as joyous as I am when I'm enjoying a tall glass of ice-cold milk. Turns out, that was a big stupid me! So, learn from my mistake and avoid feeding your cats milk.
16. They'll win your heart in no time—you may just not notice at first
You'll either be smitten from the get-go, or like me, you'll fall in love in a way that's slightly confusing, but undeniable. The bond is a bit like finding that perfect special someone—you'll just know when it's right.
17. Gone are the days of aloof, independent cat folklore—cats are softer than you might think
Felines are indeed solitary hunters, but many of them crave human companionship. They may show their affection in different ways, but it's there, just take a look!
18. They'll put their own unique spin on your definition of love
Our cats express their love in ways that humans don't always understand. One will jump onto my desk while I'm working, and the other will simply follow me from room to room. Their love isn't always obvious, like a dog jumping onto your lap or slobbering all over your face, but it's there, trust me.
19. You'll never catch them sleeping—but they'll find ways to cause trouble
At some point, you'll realize that they're always awake, always up to something. It'll be a major source of stress if you're trying to do something that requires a quiet, lint-free environment, like work or having a video call. They'll fling themselves onto your keyboard, under your feet, or in your lap. The cliché is true: cats just can't seem to find a quiet spot.
20. Your work-from-home productivity will plummet
If you thought working from home was tough before, wait till you have a couple of kittens who can't stand to be apart from you all day long. They'll demand your attention, nuzzle under your legs, and generally just be a constant distraction. So, enjoy the time you have now to get things done, before your cats crash your virtual meetings!
21. You'll have a stack of cat-themed selfies to prove they owned you
You'll lose count of how many times you snap away at your cats, thinking: "How could I not capture this moment, it's pure adorableness." Your phone storage will be filled with cutesy selfies of your cats being unbelievably cute. Stupid cute, really.
22. Keep on dreaming of Cirque du Soleil if you ever hope to catch one of those acts your cat performs
One of our cats defies gravity and performs impressive acrobatic leaps to reach impossible heights, much like a, I dunno, graceful mountain goat wearing a fluffy fur jacket. It's utterly captivating, but the problem is, they're most likely to do this when you're carrying the laundry basket down the stairs.
23. Some cats love a good road trip, others find it their worst nightmare
We have one cat who's as calm as a well-oiled bicycle in the car, while the other one gets so anxious that she goes into hiding. So, if you ever intend to take a drive, consider the personality of your furry feline.
24. You'll have to wrestle your cat into the carrier, no matter its design
Carriers—the bane of every cat's existence. Yours will hate it, fight you, and do everything short of striking a pose in a silent protest. But hey, it beats being stuck in the carrier during the car ride, so the struggle is worth it, right?
25. You'll have keen neighbors, both creepy and friendly
Our Ragamuffin can be found pressing her nose against the windows and observing the comings and goings of our neighbors. Apparently, the feline observation post is popular in the cat world, even among tumbleweed suburbs.
26. They'll counter surf just as much as dogs do
So much for those clean countertops—you'll find more sandwiches, hamburgers, and illicit chocolate dancing in decay upon your counters than you even knew existed. Cats are sneaky sods, you really can't trust them.
27. There will be no more sleeping—even late mornings are out of the question
You may as well relegate your days of luxurious lie-ins to the dustbin of dreams, because kittens have bad sleeping habits. Count your blessings if they sleep past 5 a.m., because that's the upper limit.
28. Get ready for those adorable spurts of energy we call cat zoomies
Things can get a bit chaotic when the zoomies strike, especially if you're in the middle of something. It's as if the little furballs are born with nine lives, each one bursting with energy that has to be expelled before the next one can begin.
29. Some flea treatments can be a pesky hassle
Slathering that flea treatment on your cats can be quite the ordeal, especially with the squirming, struggling, and hissing that comes along with it. Still, it's just another one of life's irritating quirks to endure, I suppose.
30. They'll worm their way into your heart, leading you to think they're really the ones who own the place
If you doubt for a second that cats own us, rather than the other way around, you've clearly never owned a cat. They're sneaky, manipulative, and they knows exactly how to work us to their advantage. But hey, who are we to argue? Not when they're so darn cute.
31. They'll take over your phone
Blame it on all those adorable selfies, but you'll soon find yourself with thousands of cat pictures that are so cutesy and precious, you can't bear to delete a single one. So, go ahead and indulge in your kitty love—our data plans can handle it.
32. Cats will forever be loyal, and it's your turn to return the favor
Though they may be aloof, enigmatic creatures, they're fiercely loyal to the humans they love. They'll tolerate our childish play, our chaotic households, and our terrible singing. All we need to do in return is provide them with a warm, safe space to call their own and shower them with love. Easy peasy.
So, there you have it—it's a cat eat cat world, but it can also be a world filled with endless amusement and love.
Tips to Improve Your Cat-Owning Experience
- Provide them with a stimulating environment to reduce boredom and encourage appropriate behaviors.
- Set a regular feeding schedule to establish structure and consistency.
- Use positive reinforcement to train your cat, because rewards are the way to a cat's heart (and to help them understand what behavior is expected of them).
- When introducing a new cat to your home, keep them separated for at least a week before allowing them to meet.
- Simplify your cleaning routine with tools made specifically for picking up cat hair, like tortilla-sized sticky sheets.
- To discourage inappropriate scratching, provide scratching posts that are tall, sturdy, and equipped with hard, horizontal surfaces that mimic what your cat likes to scrape on.
- Make sure your home is kitty-proofed, especially if you have a new kitten. Cover small spaces they might want to explore, like cabinet doors, and put away any potential hazards like cords or small objects that could be swallowed.
- While choosing a cat, remember every cat has a unique personality, so thinking you can pick based on breed traits isn't always accurate.
- Cats can be more demanding than a high-powered vacuum cleaner, requiring mental stimulation and regular interaction in addition to grooming, vet visits, and litter box duties.
- Owning a cat means you'll often ponder their inevitable passing, making losing a cat one of the toughest emotions to grapple with.
- Nothing prepares you for the stinky nature of kitten poop, often outranking even the smelliest creature features or a thousand fully grown Shih Tzus.
- Introducing a new feline to the family can feel like refereeing a boxing match during a hurricane; proper introductions, time apart, and patience are necessary for successful integration.
- Protecting your furniture from becoming catnip-induced collateral damage requires hard work and considerable resources.
- Training your cat is essential to keep order in your feline household, improving behavior and bonding.
- Maintaining your cat's health means being prepared for unexpected medical expenses, such as dental procedures, vet visits, and emergency treatments.
- Cats shed extensively, requiring regular grooming and basic maintenance to control shedding around the house.
- Be prepared to receive the most unexpected gifts; cats are prone to surprising their owners with their actions.
- Enrichment for your cat involves providing more than just new toys every week; mental stimulation and physical activity are crucial parts of their well-being.
- Don't be surprised if your cats put muddy paw prints on your otherwise clean sheets; it's an unavoidable side effect of cat ownership.
- Cats let you know when they need food, so be prepared to be nudged into submission if meals aren't on time or of the expected quality.
- Researching cat-safe plants will protect your beloved feline from accidental poisoning; common houseplants are often toxic to cats.
- Kittens are generally lactose-intolerant, so milk should not be a part of their diet.
- Love between humans and cats can develop gradually, and while it might not be as immediate as with dogs, it's a bond that is just as strong.
- Modern cats are often softer and more affectionate than the independent, aloof cat stereotype we've come to know.
- Cats may show their love in unexpected ways, often requiring observant pet parents to recognize their affectionate overtures.
- Cats are always awake and aware of their surroundings, often causing trouble during inopportune moments, such as during work or quiet activities.
- Working from home productivity can plummet due to the constant demands of cats for attention and play, as they are usually never far from their owner.
- Your phone storage will fill quickly with cat-themed selfies, as cats are adorable and irresistible subjects for photos.
- Cats can perform impressive acrobatics, from defying gravity to leaping to seemingly impossible heights, but these performances are often most apparent during distracting activities.
- Some cats love a good road trip, while others find it a terrifying ordeal, so understanding your cat's personality can help determine how to best accommodate them during travel.
- You'll have to wrestle your cat into the carrier, no matter its design or size.
- Cats will maintain a watchful eye on their surroundings and neighbors, often establishing a feline observation post at windows.
- Cats are prone to counter surfing, so keep all food and potential hazards out of reach to prevent accidental consumption.
- Cats require early mornings and late evenings to indulge in their cat zooms, leaving late mornings and even sleep-ins out of reach for most cat owners.
- Regular bursts of energy called cat zooms can be both entertaining and exhausting, but also Murphy's Law for unexpected spurts of chaos.
- Some flea treatments can be challenging to apply, as cats often squirm, struggle, and hiss during the process.
- Cats recognize their owners as their source of safety and comfort, and in return, offer their loyalty and affection.
- Cats can take over your phone, filling it with thousands of adorable, precious selfies that are difficult to resist.
- Cats require consistent care and attention to keep them happy and healthy, but in return, they offer unconditional love and companionship.
